I’ve had a rocky relationship with it. I went from being afraid of Success because of what I thought it meant I’d turn into, to being completely obsessed with it – unable to think of much else. A relationship with Success is like riding a wave. When you are riding the wave high and effortless, it’s wonderful! When you keep trying to stand up, only to wipe out again and again, it SUCKS!
My father, Aaron Spelling, achieved what most people only dream of—a mega amount of success. This seemed normal to me, so of course this was my path too…filling big shoes along a giant, no-end-in-sight road. From early on, I wore those shoes, always trying to make them fit. If I can achieve Mega Success, then I will have “made it.”
I continued down this path of Success, always peeking around each corner to see if the fruits of life were going to show up once Success came.
Well, Success came.
It came in various forms, but I wasn’t able to fully recognize it or appreciate it because I was still filling shoes. I was walking down someone else’s path. I was still hoping I would be filled up from the outside each time I would make money, achieve something new, or be told that my life must be perfect.
What was I really feeling? Frustration. Pain. Sadness.
The woman (Success) I chased after for so many years, changed. She gracefully shifted each time I was about to un-robe her. My fingers would touch her skin for mere moments, before she’d slip away into the night feeling further away than ever.
Why was I lonely? Everything I chased after, I got. Even though it were only moments at a time, but I did reach my object of affection.
What was happening? I was devastated to find…
I’d been chasing the wrong thing. I chased an ever-changing illusion. It wasn’t Success I wanted, it was attention. It was to be seen. It was what I thought money would bring me, not necessarily the money itself that I wanted. It was to be recognized as important. If other people could see me as significant, maybe I could feel it myself. The problem…it NEVER worked.
Then I realized, Success wasn’t the main goal, it was only the surface one. I discovered that my real goals (beneath the goal of Success) were the 4 Main Pillars of Human Desire:
1) Safety – to feel that I am in the world, and I’m okay in my world.
2) Freedom – to feel that I can do what I need to do when I need to do it. Un-tethered and flexible, not attached.
3) Happiness – to feel joy and fulfillment, appreciative of the experience that shows up in each moment.
4) Worth – to value who I am, what I have to offer the world and love myself—imperfections and all. Tied very closely to PURPOSE
That is Ultimate Success.
That is what my quest had been for years. Sure, success encompasses money. That is a real part of it. But, as my life has shown, money does not equal any of those four pillars. It can only contribute to each one of those pillars, if used correctly.
So you see, SUCCESS has been deeply personal. So personal, it’s become part of my mission to help others uncover the version of Success they are really after, and how to finally attain what they’re reaching for. Money is usually a result of something much deeper.
In my early years as a coach, I shied away from Success and working with people around it. Only more recently have I grown to respect Success for what it is: creating ways to strengthen those 4 Main Pillars of Human Desire.
Now I love Success in it’s true form because I can see all of her, not just the elusive and tantalizing silhouette I used to pine after. I love Success so much, a big chunk of my business is helping people move from struggle and fear to happiness and triumph—creating their own forms of lasting Success!
If you are anything like me and you’ve been chasing after *Money* or *Success*, dig deeper. Unearth the goals-beneath-the-goal and see what you are truly after.
Don’t be afraid to explore Success and the wisdom she has waiting for you. When you receive those answers and start fulfilling your core needs, you’ll be pleasantly surprised when your initial surface goal (such as $$) comes as part of your “reward” in an easy, effortless way. (You can have your cake and eat it too!)
My purpose is to help people like you create True Successes in life or business. If you need a partner who knows the ins-and-outs of Success-chasing to guide you through this journey, email me! I have powerful courses, group programs and a few one-on-one coaching slots available to support you in reaching your personal Success Goals.
Life can be a flower that opens to you in the most magnificent and beautiful way – leaving you breathless. Without knowing this version of Success, you don’t know what you’re missing.
Stop chasing silhouettes.
By Randy Spelling
Randy Spelling Life coach and author of “Unlimiting You” Randy Spelling helps you move beyond your limitations to
discover your purpose and find happiness through personal growth.